picklesink

A mom, a dad, and two nutty kids.

What do a firehose and the Energizer bunny have in common?

on June 17, 2013

I’d better preface this with an apology: Ben, when you Google yourself in 5 years (oh, who am I kidding – you’ll probably do it this afternoon), I’m sorry. But is is a mommy’s prerogative to record these stories for future reference. If you play your cards right and become a rocket scientist like Uncle Chris, I won’t include them in mother-of-the-groom speech. Probably.

Part of our night-time routine involves taking Ben to the bathroom when we go to bed. He usually stumbles through this groggily, waking up just enough to cooperate. Some nights he’s sleeping more soundly – the tip-off is when I walk him to the bathroom, he tries desperately to go back to sleep on the bathmat. Last night was a particularly sleepy night – I walked him to the bathroom and gave my usual warning —

Oh, hey – let me interrupt myself for a second – if you are grossed out by pee, you might as well stop reading now. If on the other hand you enjoy bathroom humour, URINE luck!! heheheheheheheh

— Back to the story! So I gave my usual warning, “Ben, I’m going to take your pull-up off. DO NOT START PEEING until you’re on the toilet, okay? Don’t start peeing yet. I’ll tell you when. DON’T start when I take your pull-up off. Ready?” (You may think this seems like overkill, as warnings go. It’s not.)

Sadly, last night the warning did not penetrate his sleepy fog, and when I pulled down the aforementioned pull-up, he went off like a FRIGGING FIREHOSE. (Did I mention that we had T-ball last night and he drank a FULL BOTTLE of water on the way home? Yeah, that.)

???????????????????????????????

Picture it: There’s pee spraying in all directions, Ben still fast asleep, and I’m shrieking, “No! Stop peeing! Stop!!” while simultaneously trying to sit him on the toilet and duck and cover. Unfortunately, when I sat him on the toilet, the pull-up wound up positioned in such a way as to pin his…er…nozzle straight up. Imagine on of those lovely garden water features with a statue of a little boy frolicking in the crystal spray. Except that instead of frolicking, he’s sleeping, and instead of crystal spray, it’s, you know, PEE.

A seeming eternity of urine-avoiding, pull-up ripping, and sleeping-Ben’s-junk adjusting later, the monsoon cleared up and I could start on the clean-up. Now, on any other sleep-walking Ben night, I could just point him towards the bathmat and he would curl up and fall asleep – in fact, I have had trouble getting him to the toilet BECAUSE of this zombie-like attraction to the blasted bathmat. Last night, for some reason, he seemed to be stuck in “on” mode, so when I pointed him towards the bathmat and said, “Okay, sit down while I clean up,” he started channeling the Energizer bunny and trotting in bathmat-sized circles. Over. And over. And over. I was tired just looking at him!

I managed to get his PJs off and drag him to his room where he continued to pace in circles like a wind-up toy, pausing ever so briefly to climb into a new pull-up. I gave up on the idea of fresh PJs and tucked him into bed, where with a sigh of relief he finally left perpetual motion mode.

Molly woke him up this morning with a “Hey, Ben! You’re nudie-butt!” and poor Ben just looked confused and said, “Yeah…”

~ karyn

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